What they think matters
IF
-they are likely to be CORRECT
-and MORE correct than you
It’s that fucking simple
You can’t tell yourself that you don’t care — if you SHOULD CARE
Then you’re just being delusional
NOT caring about INSIGHTS which could benefit you is obviously SELF-defeating
You’re not rebelling against “them” — you’re rebelling against yourself
And when you TRULY have nothing to gain from their dumb opinions — is when you TRULY don’t worry, don’t care “what they think”
If you’re a chess grandmaster and some chess hustler is giving you the best opening advice — do you care? Do you have to convince yourself that you don’t care?
It does get tricky with personal matters
You may not care about their diet advice, business advice, movie recommendations,
But you DO CARE what they think about YOU AS A PERSON
ESPECIALLY if you yourself care about them
Again, if you DO CARE about that person in your life, or WHAT THEY COULD GIVE TO YOU — then you can’t really easily CONVINCE yourself that you don’t care
If they stand to benefit you in some way — you CARE about it
Likewise — if they can’t benefit you — you don’t need much convincing to not look at them twice
This is the right way of thinking about it
To say “I don’t care what others think” is simplistic and gains you little
To reflexively WORRY about everything, including what others THINK and how they SEE YOU — is also unavailing — UNLESS it is INQUIRED INTO, and UNDERSTOOD
When you find yourself caring what others think
worrying what others think,
You SHOULD take it very seriously
At least for the moment necessary to make a DECISION:
“AM I GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?”
And the answer could be that you WILL ignore it.
Because you ALREADY made a plan. And the information received, the anxiety of other’s opinion — is NOT yet enough to CHANGE that plan. NOT YET.
Or you may decide to look into it deeper
Look for the merit of the other person’s perspective
INCLUDING the MERIT of impressing that person, this DESIRE to be VALIDATED by that person
And the underlying THING we WANT from that person
You may decide to look into all of that
Then you may be able to decide that:
-You LIKE what that person REPRESENTS. You think it’s an accurate way to live. Perhaps you want to imitate it
-Or you learn that you DO WANT something. You didn’t realise you wanted it so much. Let’s take that thing
it can go deep and deeper
And of course don’t in turn judge yourself for worrying and caring
You have wants, you have an EGO, you have feelings — and denying them changes nothing. It only aggravates matters
If you believe you can go beyond your ego and wants and feelings — then honestly prove it
Quietly transcend yourself
Instead of telling yourself about what ought to be, how enlightened or stoic you ought to be — actually BECOME THAT
With sincerity
MEANING the VERY TANGIBLE EMOTION, FEELING, THOUGHT-PATTERN, associated with ego / attachment / whatever — is actually materially alleviated
If you want that and can do that — do do that
But if you’re failing at that — then be honest about it
And realise you have wants and feelings and ego
That the problem still exists
And decide what to do with it
How to meet those needs
The only thing wrong you can ever do is to DELUDE yourself, pretend things are NOT what they are
The only thing wrong you can ever do is to DELUDE yourself, pretend things are NOT what they are
Pretend you don’t care — when you care
Pretend you care — when you don’t care
Pretend you’re “beyond” or “over” something — when clearly you’re not