There’s something in you,
around you,
near you,
about you,
that’s LESS than desirable
Maybe that undesirability is clear — maybe less clear
Maybe it’s justified, maybe it’s a fair trade-off — maybe not
But your attitude to that thing is what really matters
There are many attitudes to take
The common attitude is to ignore it
This is plainly sloppy
It speaks to low standards and lack of driving power
It speaks to poor self-awareness, poor thoughtfulness
Of course some things are negligible — so you ignore them
Of course some things fix themselves — so you ignore them
But some don’t
Once you get into the habit of ignoring problems — you and your life become corrupted
The next common attitude is to be upset, is to blame oneself, is to feel insecure
…and still do nothing
See ignoring something has a cost — the cost of that problem persisting
Which in turn has a cost — cost of, well, causing you problems, upsetting you
Thus now you’re experiencing this emotion
And likely you still do nothing
Because the next step would be to spend willpower and energy — and fix it
You take the option you reckon least costly
You’re willing to accept the negative emotion,
and THIS WAY pay the price for your inadequacy
and
GENUINELY think that now you’re EVEN
This is very common actually
We beat ourselves up — and this way think we’re expiating for our failures
We of course do it in relationships too: we just say “I’m sorry”
Or we take token responsibility, say “I don’t blame anyone but myself”,
and then we still do nothing
My rule is that of 3 chances. Or maybe of one chance. Maybe 10 chances. Depends,
But you should put a number on it
If it repeats enough times — it’s over. They are damaged goods, in that realm anyway.
Humans are not human yet. Those are animals.
Another attitude is to EXTERNALISE one’s own inadequacy
I’d say this is the third most common
Why blame yourself — if you can blame the world?
Why change — if the world could change for you?
This is not entirely nonsensical
We really can refuse to change — and thus force others to change
We can choose to either have them change or walk away
We can merely get upset and others can decide they don’t want us upset — and accommodate us
It’s a bit more difficult with the world, however
The world is less likely to change for you
The REALITY is even less likely to change for you
Therefore this is a rather extremely toxic mindset
There’s so much you can change yourself — that not making this your absolute first option is shooting yourself in the foot
The next attitude, of course, is “acceptance”
Acceptance has a great reputation, because it cures the previous problems
-you’re no longer experiencing the negative emotion: directed at either yourself or something external
-nor are you living in delusion of problem not existing or being irrelevant (via ignoring it)
instead you are FULLY AWARE of the problem — you just CHOOSE to ACCEPT IT
…or so you say
See the main problem with acceptance is that… it’s often a glorified ignorance
You have the optics of being mindful of the problem, of taking responsibility for it, and choosing to let it be for now,
But in many ways you’re just as eager to simply ignore the problem,
What is the difference?
Understanding. Nuance.
It can’t be acceptance if you’re NOT AWARE of what it is, can it?
You can’t accept something you don’t see
What this means is — you can’t ACCEPT something by merely uttering the words
You must understand the situation completely (to the extent to which it’s possible with available information)
Only then can the decision be made
The crux is that you’re aware of the ALTERNATIVES
Choice can only be made among the alternatives
You must be able to justify the choice you’re making
You must be able to make a nuanced argument for either option
You must understand the trade-offs
You must know exactly what it COSTS
If you don’t — then you’re not really ACCEPTING anything
You’re as ignorant as the one who’s doing the ignoring
And that’s what you’re doing yourself
You just call it “acceptance”
But really you’re just choosing to ignore the other option
And are thus just as sloppy and passive
It is also worth noticing that ACCEPTANCE can easily mask those other maladaptive attitudes,
like externalised blame,
You can say you “ACCEPT” yourself this way — while still BLAMING the outside world for refusing to do the same
The magical word “acceptance” is somehow supposed to launder your dissatisfaction with the world
You “love” yourself, it’s just the world you condemn
Except,
The world doesn’t give a fuck about you, and what you think about it, and what you think it’s supposed to think about you
If the world accepts you — good for you.
If it doesn’t — it doesn’t.
If you “accept” yourself — that doesn’t change the fact that the world does not necessarily do the same for you
And if you don’t accept the world not accepting you — that also avails you absolutely fucking fuck-all
The world doesn’t give a fuck
So fuck your acceptance
It’s something you may choose to do for yourself, a gift from yourself to yourself
The world will not reward you for it, it just won’t be adding insult to injury anymore, not now that you accepted it not accepting you
…There’s really nothing better to do but to fully ADMIT WHAT YOU ARE
And how you feel about it
What you want to do about it, or not do
How world feels about it
And then ACCEPT all those different opinions
Accept all the different alternatives and trade-offs
Then CONSCIOUSLY, THOUGHTFULLY CHOOSE THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION
Anything but that is at best a distraction,
at worst your own eternalised failure
Any sentence that:
-blames the world
-blames yourself but without accountability and clear, thoughtful plan
-proclaims “acceptance” but doesn’t show thoughtfulness and nuance and cognizance of alternatives and trade-offs
-or even flaunts one’s ignorance and indifference, “I don’t give a fuck”
…any such sentence is corrosive,
The remedy is but a calm appraisal of the situation
presentation of the options,
and their consequences
it’s really quite business-like