Every interpersonal conflict is but the discrepancy between what is expected and what is communicated.

 

Many are not even themselves aware of their expectations — thus bound for conflict. With others, with themselves…

 

Accord stands on the pillars of clear communication and clarity of vision.

 

Clarity of vision is ultimately a matter of self-knowledge.

(Like is everything in life, you may find)

 

Clear communication is a function of strong core, subsequent courage and sincerity, and otherwise pruning off the conditioned bad habits of compliance, non-directness, politeness, making impression, abiding…

 

There are no good or bad intentions but concealed intentions. Your “good intentions” may be horrible to the other person. Your only duty is to communicate intentions, to convey yourself.

 

Before you expect anything from the other person you should expect honesty. For without honesty you can only expect nothing.

What this obviously means that you should get rid of the person you can not trust — whether they stand by you today or don’t — because you can’t know if they should stand by you tomorrow.

 

To meet a high quality person you have to be a high quality person. If you are untrustworthy — you should meet crooks and irresponsible ones. When you are honest and trustworthy — you should meet honest men and trustworthy.

 

Conflict is obviously not “wrong” per se. It simple reveals present discrepancy in perspectives, goals — and thus in expectations. Perhaps you can rectify your shared vision — or perhaps it is time to part ways. Either outcome is desirable when, and only when, it is sincere and true.

 

You must understand agreement and conflict and relations in this way — or else not only will you fail, but painfully.

Relationships are sources of tremendous pain, great deception, exploitation, anger, strong emotions, all that unwanted fucking nonsense. It ought not to be this way and it ought not to be complicated.

1) Know yourself (your goals)

2) Convey yourself (your goals)

3) Be what you expect from others

4) Screen for what you expect from others

5) Refine your goals and expectations throughout

No place for emotion, obviously. You can go be emotional somewhere else. When you’re managing anything — you want to be intelligent, obviously, and not emotional, not biased, and not stupid.

No place for preaching morals either. No place for blame and responsibility shifting. All that is for children. It’s all your fault: if you failed to screen the right person, failed to manage the goals properly, failed at being that person in the first place.

No place for “fighting”. You should never fight. It’s emotional = wrong. It’s subjective = wrong. It’s almost NEVER an actual communication = completely wrong. No one listens to another person anyway. If you fight — it means you failed. Doesn’t matter who started the fight.

Keep it simple, effective, honest and concrete. Settle for nothing less and you should get nothing less.