You don’t want “be calm” — you want to “be a calm man”.
“Be calm” has wrong connotation in our culture.
We make virtue out of staying calm when we’re provoked.
We remind ourselves to “be calm” when we’re already LOSING our calm.
This already presupposes LOSING one’s calm.
Why do you even presuppose being provoked?
Why do you lose calm in the first place — so that now you have to make conscious effort to “keep your calm”?
How is “being a calm man” different?
Well here the connotation is different.
The “calm man”, the “chill man” — he doesn’t just “stay calm”. He IS CALM period.
Or rather — he’s not NOT calm.
He’s not upset, he’s not impatient, he’s not annoyed, he’s not in a rush, he’s not surprised, he’s not NOT calm
He doesn’t exert EFFORT to be this way. He doesn’t run a fucking mantra in his head: “be calm be calm be calm”.
And he doesn’t call himself a stoic. He doesn’t pride himself in his calmness. It’s just how he is.
And you? Trying to “stay calm”, trying to “be calm”, trying and striving?
It’s good for start — but it’s NOT the end,
And if you take this ideal too seriously, this battle too seriously — it becomes more important than the calmness itself!
You become so invested in this identity of “staying calm” — that now you’re creating situations which provoke your calmness.
It becomes this exhausting pointless exercise of provoking yourself — then proving that you can “stay calm”,
It’s pointless, stupid
The endgame is to BE THE CALM MAN
So whatever it is right now in your life that should disrupt your calm — the ENDGAME is not that you “stay calm”. The endgame is that you ARE CALM. That it’s completely handled.
NEVER forget that.
This is how you’re seriously a calm man,
And when new challenges come to disrupt your calm?
Oh please let them,
Now that you’re a calm man — losing your calm ACTUALLY has meaning.
Now if you lose your calm — it means that something TRULY relevant is happening.
It means that a TRUE challenge came,
It means that something serious is brewing,
And you want serious.
If you’re a serious man — you want serious.
Serious is how you grow.
See if you’re not a calm man, not a cool man — you can’t even get serious.
If there exist things which you’ve dealt with before — and they so easily provoke you so that you have to “stay calm” so as to not LOSE your calm — then it means you weren’t very successful at dealing with those things — therefore are not a very serious person.
If anything so easily disrupts your sense of control — then you never had much control to begin with.
You’re not a serious man.
Therefore,
If you’re serious,
get serious about being the CALM MAN,
And in being the calm man — brace yourself for serious challenges.