Every relationship/organisation has a purpose
Whether it’s building a rocket to space — or a 5 minute chat.
Every relationship realises that purpose in accordance to certain rules: explicit or implicit
For the relationship/organisation to realize those goals effectively there must be the division of responsibilities
Thus you are responsible for “A” and “B” — and i am responsible for “C” and “D”. And we’re both responsible for E — which is when we shall deliberate.
You are responsible for “A” and “B” — and I do not question it. If I question it — I question the relationship. I question whether you’re the person I want to have dealing with “A” and “B” for me.
I am responsible for “C” and “D” — and you do not question it. If you question it — you are questioning the relationship. You question whether I’m the person to deal with “C” and “D”.
And with “E”? If we reach consensus — we proceed. If not — then we have to reconsider the relationship.
Now, relationships exist WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
your relationship with your employer, your relationship with your neighbour, your relationship with the state, your relationship with your parents, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your children, your relationship with your employee, your relationship with your local community, your relationship with your church, your relationship with with god…
It can be an extremely small relationship — but it exists. Because you have some relationship with EVERYTHING that exists. You relate in some way to it, with it.
Relationships exist whether you like it or not: And RULES EXIST, whether you like it or not.
You may think you are in a certain relationship with certain rules — but in truth be in a different relationship and act according to different rules.
You may think you’re the boss — but have little power
You may think you’re insignificant — but your contribution is actually the cornerstone
You may think you’re important — but you’re actually just a puppet
You may think you’re loved — but really you’re just useful
You may think you’re useful — but really you’re just expedient
You may think your opinion is wise — really it’s only wise to morons, therefore unwise
You may think you own stuff — really it owns you
You may think you’ve “made it” — really you’re just a slave
You may think you have nothing to offer — really you have everything to offer, especially being human
…
You are in relationships you’re not even aware of, adhering to rules you’re not even aware of
You think you’re in one relationship with it’s rules but really you’re in a different relationship with different rules
Of course you’re disappointed. You feel cheated. You think everyone should be playing by those rules, your rules — when the reality seems to suggest you are all playing by some different rules
And you don’t understand those rules.
The matters are made even worse by the fact that the other side ALSO doesn’t consciously understand the rules
They act according to some rules — but they are not aware of them
Therefore they talk as though they adhere to one set of rules — but act as though the rules are different.
And everyone is only more confused.
Thus you expect someone to take care of “A” and “B”, as you take care of “C” and “D”. Someone now takes care of “F” and “G”, and you take care of “C” but not “D”, actually you take care of “J”… And so on…
And the outcomes is “H” and “P” and whatever,
And if you expected an outcome of “X” and “Z” — then you’re grossly disappointed
And perhaps you blame someone for not taking care of “A” and “B”. And perhaps you’re not aware that you yourself failed to take care of “D”.
Etc etc etc
THIS is modern world
THIS is our confused relationships
This is bureaucracy
This is absence of skin in the game
This is modern marriage
This is a startup of two eager but socially unintelligent founders
This is politics, panem et circenses, fucking circus for gullible masses
This is ideologies, social justice, activism
It’s all confusion
Discrepancy in values and goals posited by each side, and greater still discrepancy in values and goals actually realized
Now,
The world functions NEVERTHELESS
Because indeed RELATIONSHIPS EXIST — WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
Because indeed ORGANISATIONS EXIST — WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
They exist and function in some way — whether you like it or not.
So where lies the problem?
The problem is of course when you fail to realize your goals — and are confused why
AND the problem is if you fail to aid others in realization of their goal — and they are confused why, and you are confused why
And finally the problem is the confusion itself. Even if your actual (actual, not claimed) goals are realized — you still protest, because you thought you wanted something else.
Therefore it is obviously imperative to become AWARE of the WORKINGS of RELATIONSHIPS YOU COMMIT TO
You want to know what is expected of you in your relationships and organisations
You want to overdeliver — so that you make extra sure that the other side is benefiting from the relationship
And likewise you yourself obviously want to benefit from the relationship
And for that you must KNOW WHAT YOU WANT — and CONVEY IT to the other side
And then you expect that side to deliver
And if it fails — perhaps you failed at communicating your goals — or perhaps the relationships/organisation was unsuitable for the task. In which case your selection was poor.
And finally,
For all the infinitely many relationships in which you are involved unconsciously:
-you either want to make them conscious and clear
-or LET GO of WORRYING about them
As the saying goes: change what you can change — accept what you can’t change
If you’re unconsciously, unintelligently stuck in a relationship which doesn’t serve you — change that relationship, if you can
And if you can’t — then don’t worry about it
If you can’t — don’t worry about it
Don’t worry about the government (or get a new one)
Don’t worry about your neighbour (or get a new one)
Don’t worry about your family (or get a new one)
Don’t worry about the evil corporations (or find a more healthy way to deliver the same product)
Don’t worry about the recession
In general — the larger the scale — the less you should worry about it.
You should be aware of it. The little that you can TANGIBLY CHANGE FOR THE BETTER — do make that change.
But don’t distract yourself with nonsense you can’t truly control. There’s plenty you can control. THAT is your duty
There’s plenty you can control
Relationships you’re in
You want to make those relationships clear
You want to deliver great value to those you’re in a relationship with
And you want them to aid you are attaining your goals
And if they can’t help you then you go to someone else
…just ask those questions:
-What do they want (person, organisation, etc) ?
-What do I want ?
-What more can I do?
-What more can I gain?
ASK THOSE QUESTIONS — FOR ALL YOUR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS AND MEDIUM-TERM AND SHORT TERM AND EVEN THE FLEETING MINUTE INTERACTIONS OF WHOEVER YOU MEET
Ask those questions about your business. Ask those questions about your friendships. Ask those questions whenever you’re talking to someone. Ask those questions when someone wants something from you or you want something from them. ALWAYS ask those questions.
This is how you eradicate this inimical confusion — and create powerful, effective relationships — which supercharge the outcomes of you and your partners.