note: this is a PROFOUNDLY misunderstood subject. I don’t think we actually know what politeness is, and what purpose it serves. Bear with me
You can be completely transparent.
Or you can be polite.
Being polite means taking extra measures to ensure that the receiving party — besides receiving our message — is also reassured of being respected, and of our well-meaning intentions
Why would we even have to take such measures?
Because good intentions are not the default between two humans. Not historically, not biologically, and not even modernly, in our correct, civil society
We humans could cooperate but often we don’t
We humans could love each other but often we hate each other
We humans could disagree in a dialectical manner — striving for the TRUTH — but instead we get emotional and stupid and take it personally and get hostile
And THIS IS WHY you want to be polite, courteous, respectful
This is why you want to be polite, courteous, respectful
So that even if you disagree with someone and don’t like someone — which really is uncalled for (why dislike anyone? what’s the point?) — you can still COOPERATE
And so that others — even if they don’t like you and don’t agree with you and are AFRAID of you — can feel a little bit more comfortable around you — and so that you can perhaps find some common ground, agree somehow, cooperate somehow
The problem with politeness, respect, civility is in how PROFOUNDLY MISUNDERSTOOD AND MISUSED they are
-the smiling, lying politician
-the sleezy salesman
-the false friends
-the spineless smiling conformists with no mind of their own, no individuality, no courage to disagree
this is why these ideals had became so devalued, and even acquired negative connotations.
Which is really a shame
It is a shame because respectful, helpful, friendly, kind, civil, polite disposition should really be THE default
And it should spring from the love we carry in our hearts — for the whole of the world
When you’ve to give — give. WHY NOT give? How else you’re going to be larger than yourself?
And when you’ve NOT to give — then tell them to fuck off, politely.
Either be kind and loving and polite and helpful and respectful — or cut it right there, tell them to fuck off and go your way and be done with it
Now of course many of us use those tropes of niceness and politeness and correctness to escape the burden of having to be an INDIVIDUAL, having to be REAL — and paying the PRICE for it
There really is no way to be an individual and go through life without conflict
And the more you are — the more conflict you court
Because your very being represents certain values — and those values are at odds with the values of others. You can’t escape it. We are different
You delude yourself that you can escape it by being nice
This is why if you were to be nice and fake — it’s better to be unpleasant and repugnant and REAL
And this is why some embrace those graceless, impolite behaviours, and those graceless, provocative, “edgy” personas
By proactively rejecting approval of others — one makes it so much easier for himself to BE HIMSELF.
Because he’s nothing more to lose,
He‘s already NOT liked
Now he can be himself without risking not being liked and accepted. He already is not liked and accepted.
But this is obviously stupid
You’re either ok with not being loved and liked and respected and accepted — or not. Making yourself disliked is not the real goal here. The goal is you letting go, freeing yourself from that desire.
You don’t need enemies to be strong.
There really should be no compromise here
-You should be AS REAL, AS TRANSPARENT as it’s possible
-And when you’re already so REAL, so SEE-THROUGH — now be as POLITE and RESPECTFUL and LOVING as you can
To those you do business with today,
To those you speak to at this very moment,
You will either tell them to fuck off, end your business together,
Or you will be the kindest, the friendliest, the most considerate person they EVER met
…While also the realest, the most uncompromising, the most direct person they ever met
Some will love you for it
Some will hate you for it
Some don’t like it when you smile to them
Some don’t like it when you disagree with them
Some don’t like when you smile to them AND disagree with them
And of course many don’t like it when you tell them to fuck off
But you understand
You give love
And you give the truth