There’s the shameful.

And there is shame.

 

Shameful leads to shame.

Unless someone is shameless — then it doesn’t.

Likewise shame itself can arise without the shameful.

And of course — shameful is not objective.

 

Shameful is not objective but it obviously doesn’t mean it’s void.

Society agrees on what it considers shameful. In disagreeing with that you are disagreeing with the society.

Your organization agrees on what it considers shameful. In disagreeing with that you are disagreeing with your organization.

Your tribe agrees on what it considers shameful. In disagreeing with that you are disagreeing with your tribe.

Finally — you yourself find something shameful. In questioning it you are questioning yourself. For better or worse.

Shameful is not objective and you may agree with what some entity considers shameful or not — but you should understand it, be mindful of it — and profoundly understand the consequences of either attitude you take.

The shameful is real.

 

Now, what about shame?

You will experience shame upon being shameful

(And experiencing shame vicariously, in watching others be “shameful” — is what we call “cringe”)

And you will experience shame upon not being shameful

And you will sometimes NOT experience shame upon being shameful

Since shameful is many things, like we already established

Now,

Is shame a good thing or a bad thing?

It’s just an emotion, which itself is just a signal.

It’s a signal you were likely being shameful.

Shame is unpleasant.

Therefore it’s likely there to deter you from being shameful

Which indeed tends to have undesirable consequences.

You being shameful means you being in disagreement with the rules of given group.

Which means you risk being excluded from that group.

Which means you losing access to that group’s resources.

Which potentially means a disaster.

Therefore shame is designed to help you avoid a disaster.

 

Shame is designed to help you avoid social disaster.

Just like every other negative emotion — it is designed to make you more robust. To protect you.

The problem is it fetters you, enslaves you, cripples you.

And the greater problem still is that it’s not reliable.

You get into the habit of being shameful — and you will feel shame period. Indiscriminately. Just like an angry person has a habit of being angry, and a pessimistic person has a habit of being pessimistic.

 

Shameful is real.

Shame is real.

But you have the power to choose what you accept as shameful.

And you have the power to choose what you accept to make you feel ashamed.

 

Now this is far easier said than done, it’s one of those banalities which you heard before, a’la “not giving a fuck”,

You should give a fuck.

You should choose what you give a fuck about — and do it to the best of your ability.

AND you should actually be mindful what OTHERS give a fuck about — so that you understand the CONSEQUENCES of agreeing or disagreeing with that.

If you have anything to do with the world — you must have a clue about the world, and how it operates, and what makes it go around.

 

Finally, shame is not like all those fancy life choices you make,

You can actually be an ugly person, be a hapless person, and ACTUALLY have no chances of changing that in any foreseeable future

Being SHAMEFUL, UNPLEASANT— is not like an opinion which you can just change. You can actually innately be the kind of person that will forever evoke disgust in fellow humans.

I am not saying this to frighten you. It’s just the truth. Just like you rotting in the ground and no one remembering you is just the truth.

Therefore eradicating shame is not some “feel good” little trick which you can apply.

It’s entirely feasible that you will NOT cure your SHAMEFULNESS .

That you will NOT BE OK

 

Therefore,

You should take your shame very seriously,

And carefully arrive at the truth of that which you consider SHAMEFUL

And carefully consider that which the world around you considers SHAMEFUL,

And decide what you agree with or disagree

And then inquire deeply, deeply, into your own shame,

(In particular that deep within, buried under the false bravado and distractions)

And then CHOOSE which part of that shame serves you — which part of that shame agrees with what you indeed consider SHAMEFUL,

And then change that which you can,

And accept the rest,

And accept it with full awareness of the consequences

 

And accept it with full awareness of the consequences

THIS is key,

And the truth is that you can’t really know how shameful you are — unless you SPEAK about it

Shame is a social phenomenon

Then it becomes an internal, spiritual phenomenon — a schema you learn, a perception of yourself and the world,

But shame is first a social phenomenon,

Why don’t you TALK about it

Why don’t you OWN IT PUBLICLY

Why don’t you FACE IT HEAD ON

And learn — how SHAMEFUL you truly are

How SHAMEFUL your misfit-ness is

How SHAMEFUL your bold ideas are

How shameful your failures are

 

And this is the conclusion of this rant,

SINCERITY,

SINCERITY will ERADICATE SHAME,

We have all this shame in our society

Painful shame designed to protect us from yet more painful calamity of breaking the rules

Except if you only look deep inside, perhaps not all this shame is so real,

And in realizing that — it does not mean that you are now magically cured,

But it now means that you can ASK the world if it’s truly REAL — or not

And I Mean ASK THE WORLD directly. In person

Ask your brother and your sister and your neighbor and your teachers and your mentors and your partners and your priests

Go ahead and ask them

And learn

Perhaps all this shame is just an illusion

Or perhaps there’s something about you which is begging to be transformed, begging to be exposed, humiliated, and destroyed,

Either way,

The truth will liberate you