TALKING TO SOMEONE IS:

-You LEARNING from me and/or me learning from you

-YOU experiencing me and/or me experiencing you

 

FUCK “listening”:

You know whose the best “listener”? A fucking tree.

The TRUE art of listening is UNDERSTANDING what other person is saying — and RELATING to it.

RELATING which means COMMUNICATING your UNDERSTANDING of it. Which requires opening your fucking mouth and conveying that understanding. TALKING.

 

Talking to someone is learning from each other, conveying oneself to each other

If it’s not that — then perhaps it’s something else. But NOT talking.

Maybe it’s monologuing. Breaking the ice. Subduing or being subdued. Vibing. Supplicating. Ego-tripping. Being drunk. Being dumb. Being a cunt. Playing games. WHATEVER.

But it’s NOT talking.

 

Don’t call it talking if it’s not talking.

Don’t pretend you’re talking if you’re not talking. Don’t pretend you’re talking to someone if you are not actually talking. Stop “talking” with someone you’re not actually talking to, someone who doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t talk to you.

 

Understand what talking is so that you actually can find a partner to talk to — and stop wasting time trying to talk to people who don’t want to talk to you or you don’t want to talk to them.

 

Now, in practice:

“TALKING” is a spectrum (between failing to talk and actually talking)

Some people will talk to you some of the time and fail to talk to you the rest of the time

What do you do?

You will not conceal the truth that this behaviour in which you’re engaging is not fully “talking”.

 

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

It doesn’t diminish the value of whatever else that is occurring when you’re pretending to be talking but really aren’t listening to each other. And it doesn’t diminish the value of those moments when you actually are talking (listening and speaking to each other).

But now that you’re conscious that it is not (always) talking — you will reveal to your partner that you’re not talking, when you’re NOT FUCKING TALKING

And perhaps you’ll decide to talk more or decide to talk less, perhaps decide to cut the fluff more or perhaps decide that fluff is the substance.

You decide

 

But this is the art of talking.

When someone thinks they’re talking to you but they aren’t — cut the bullshit.

If you think they are amenable to learning to talk — you can teach them to talk. If you think there’s value in that. If you don’t — then you move on

 

Finally:

When someone tell you you don’t listen to them: perhaps they’re right. Perhaps you don’t want to listen. Stop pretending that you do

Or perhaps you can’t even “listen” to them. Because you can’t relate to what they are saying.

If you don’t understand it — obviously it’s like you’re not listening. It’s exactly the same. The tree doesn’t understand either — and can’t answer with any substance either.

Find someone you can relate to. Find someone who can relate to you

 

Just get real with it

Talking is listening to each other, speaking to each other. ANSWERING each other. Understanding what someone is saying and conveying that understanding. CONTRIBUTING to that understanding. Being understood. Having one’s contribution valued. Receiving verification of that understanding, in return. Receiving appreciation of one’s contribution. Finally receiving someone else’s contribution.

This is the true meaning of talking to each other

Understand it so that you can actually talk to someone, and stop wasting your time